Season One: Episode Thirteen – Middlesex vs Sussex

Season One: Episode Thirteen – Middlesex vs Sussex

So. I’m fairly clear that I dislike and find T20 awful. However, I also need not to get sacked.

So, getting my clock cleaned every game isn’t going to do much for morale. It’s time to take stock.


Laurie Evans and Travis Head are the top two batsmen in the tournament. Good news.

We don’t have another in the top 30. Bad news.

The less said about the bowling, the better.

Archer and Munsey are both off on international duty. And, of course, Head. I use the bad words.

I decide to make some radical changes. Monty Panesar is back along with Rashid Khan, my 21 year old Afghani bowler who has a decent haul of wickets to his name.

The batting line up is re-jigged with Shehan Jayasuriya and Laurie Evans opening and Luke Wright dropping to 3. Harry Finch gets the nod and comes in at 6.

Middlesex are good and I want to give them a game.

Frajous day! I win the toss for once and decide to bat. 

Sussex’s Innings:

The first ball of the innings sees Jayasuriya survive a very squeaky leg shout which he is reprieved from. 


However, James Harris soon strikes and Evans is gone, caught by Eskinazi. So much for the new batting order. 15-1.

Jayasuriya perishes, caught and bowled by Rahman for 11 in the next over. 20-2.

Delray Rawlins comes in, gets a lovely 8, and then Eskinazi comes over all Jack Russell and stumps him off Nathan Sowter. 29-3 and I’m not really finding a lot to make me change my mind about this shitey form of the game.

At least I have Ravi Bopara coming in next.

The useless turd is soon walking back out again. Caught on the crease by Mujeeb Ur Rahman and leg before for four. 

The way our batsmen are playing him, 19 year old Afghanistan bowler Rahman looks like he’s bowling actual incendiary devices rather than bog standard barely turning off spin. 

If he’s not nice to me, I’ll unleash his countryman Khan to slap him around and put him back in his box. 45-4.

Wright is still ticking on. Until he isn’t. Guess who it is who gets him leg before? Again. Gone for 9. 49-5.

Rahman has taken 3 for 19 off 3. I am incandescent.

Finch is nearly next back to the hutch as Sowter has an lbw shout waved away by a fag paper’s breadth. 

And then he doesn’t need to rely on the umpire. Because Finch has chipped it back to him for another caught and bowled.

This is only the ninth over for god sake. 51-6. 

Chris Jordan, another returning hero, comes out. He plays no stroke to the first ball and is then dropped in the worst possible fashion ball two. Things aren’t going that well here.

At one end, wicket keeper Jonty Jennings appears to be on a one man mission to a) make us something approaching a competitive score and b) be the only one not in for a running session which will last till each man throws up on his shoes tomorrow.

Jordan: not so much. He goes for 12 off Miguel Cummins, taking us to 81-7.

Of course, Jenner is caught off the bowling of Toby Roland-Jones next ball. 81-8.

Claydon follows soon after to the same bowler for a duck. 85-9.

Olly Robinson survives a good shout for lbw and then the worst innings I’ve ever seen is over and we’re all out for 88. 

I’m going to torture them for this. For a long time.

Middlesex’s Innings:

I open with Khan’s off spin. Why not?

Khan actually has Nick Gubbins all ends up, but it is Claydon next over who gets him. He chips one to Rawlins and is gone for 13. 27-1.

They wrap it up in 8 overs. There are no positives. It is the worst display I’ve seen on a cricket pitch since the U9s shat the bed in a prep school match.


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