We’ve been destroyed in every game so far. We are rooted to the foot of the table, although there have been some infinitesimal signs of green recovery.
We are playing Surrey. They’re second in the table. And they pasted us last time out.
David Wiese is out, which is a disaster. 23 year old Aaron Thomason comes in as an all rounder at 7. Apart from that we’re unchanged.
We lose the toss. Sighs.
We’re put into bat.
Laurie Evans goes hard. He hits Sam Curran for 5 off the opening over, before getting over excited and snicking off and being caught by Will Jacks at first slip. 7-1.
International Luke Wright who is, apparently, a globe trotting T20 legend, has been rancid for us. Here he makes 6 from 5 and then is dismissed lbw by Rikki Clarke. 11-2.
Next to go is Shehan Jayasuriya for 12, 3-25.
Surrey drop new batsman George Munsey heinously at first slip. The Scot lives to flap another day.
Ravi Bopara is really going full Bopara in this competition. Here he gets bowled off 21-year-old spinner Amar Virdi for 7 despite being, and I quote his own profile here, a “spin specialist.”
Well you’re also a specialist at being a bottling twat Bopara so jog on.
Virdi manages to tempt Munsey into a false stroke and Ben Foakes takes it behind the stump. He’s walking the walk for 28 and we’re 79-5.
Delray Rawlins has been playing well. So, obviously, he gets trapped on the crease to Virdi for 21. 82-6.
Now would be a fantastic time for new boy Thomason to really mount a push for permanent inclusion.
He does not.
He mounts a serious case for me breaking his jaw. He uses up 17 precious balls, scores 9 and reduces us to 98-7.
Jenner slaps 24 off 16, before also deciding that Foakes needs some more catching practice and we’re 113-8.
For the final over, I push Mitchell Claydon and Chris Jordan’s aggression into the red.
Claydon goes for 5 off 3, leaving us with Monty on strike – gulp – and us 128-9.
We’re all out for 129. I wonder if it will be enough …
Oh wait, no, I don’t. I know it won’t be enough.
Boy, they go after us.
They rush to 47 before Thomason traps Rory Burns for 13. 47-1.
D’Arcy Short – surely to be nicknamed Arsey D’Arcy if I have anything to do with it – comes to the wicket.
At the other end, Hasim Amla has been blazing. His 41 has come off 22 balls. Thomason gets him lbw to leave them 70-2 but, already, it’s too little, too late.
Both Thomason and Panesar use up all their overs. I chuck the cherry to Bopara to turn his arm over.
He gets Mike Ritchie with his third ball, with Jordan taking an extraordinary diving catch. 90-3.
Mark Stoneman is next out of the cabin. And he’s soon departing as Bopara does it again, Jenner taking the snick. 98-4.
Their own keeper, Ben Foakes, cops a decent lb shout from Ravi but survives and this leaves them needing only 21 off four overs.
With Short still there, they need 8 off 18 balls.
Jayasuriya bowls five very valuable dot balls. He ends the over getting Short for 33.
A wicket maiden has been pretty helpful here… 122-5.
8 off 12.
Will Jacks hits Bopara for a boundary second ball, but next up The Ravster gets him leg before. 129-6.
1 from 6 balls
Steps to the wicket again. Arm comes over.
Foakes connects, it’s a single. A great stop from Evans. He sends the ball in towards the stumps.
We lose by four wickets.
The bright side is that there are only two games left in this tournament. Seeing as how we are rooted to the foot of the table with the sum total of 0 points, I don’t think we’ll be worrying about finishing in the top four or needing to fit a visit to finals day in to our hectic schedule.