Season One: Episode 40, County Championship – Sussex vs Worcestershire (Day 3)

Season One: Episode 40, County Championship – Sussex vs Worcestershire (Day 3)

We basically have to patiently bat all day, gently and tiresomely pile up runs and hope that we can squeak ahead by the end of the day.

Considering our batsmen have all, basically, departed limply already, I’m not holding out much hope.

Worcestershire set aggressive field after aggressive field which means every time Travis Head connects it goes for a boundary.

However, he misses, Leach – never a more aptly named cricketer in my opinion – hits and we are 80-5. He’s gone for 34 from 30. The sort of responsible innings we need at this stage. In other world. Here, it just maroons us further in the mire.

Ben Brown and David Wiese bring up the century batting very fluidly. But hope is still in short supply considering both are hard hitting lower middle order boshers rather than patient innings builders. 117-5.

Ben Brown goes for 27 off 36 by Patrick Brown, Whiteley swooping to pouch a great catch off his toes at short leg. 126-6

They still lead by 178 runs.

In the same over, Brown bounces Mitchell Claydon. Tail enders love that. Gone for 4. 130-7.

Brown’s over is five balls, two wickets, four runs. Not bad. 

The embers are well and truly piddled on when Wiese gets trapped lbw by – guess who? – Joe Leach.

His 38 comes off 48 balls. 150-8

Garton, 12, lbw Singh. 154-9

Will Beer and Stuart Meaker are the only two who show any backbone. By the time Meaker is bowled by Tongue for 16, Beer is left stranded 14 not out.

We are all out for 184. We have been decimated by an innings and 120 runs.

It has been the worst performance of my entire regime – and that’s quite the catalogue to choose from.

I can’t speak to this shower of empty headed sham cricketers. They don’t deserve to wear the Martlets. They don’t deserve to represent this county. They certainly don’t deserve their wages.

I will be summoning them to the ground and I shall run them till they puke. And then I shall run them till they bleed. And they I shall run them again. I’m going to treat them like a civil servant in Priti Patel’s office.

This terrible catastrophe of a defeat plunges us to fifth. We are 42 points behind Middlesex in second and look a million miles way from the promotion target I set myself at the start of the season.

However, our next game is also in the County Championship and is against Durham who are third. If we win that, we can put ourselves back in the hunt. Maybe.


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