Well this is really not going well is it? Mired in the depression, I have wandered lonely as a cloud around my home county gazing at my navel and considering running away from the car crash this season is developing into.
I’ve no bloody idea. Phillip Salt and Luke Wells are both still injured. Tom Haines and Laurie Evans keep the openers berth, despite not exactly earning it last time out.
Mitchell Claydon, whose economy rate is 4.01, has zero stars for form and is averaging 32.67 per wicket. He’s out. Left hander Will Sheffield comes in to turn his arm over.
George Munsey is also out. I bring in Delray Rawlins for his first class debut of the season.
Glamorgan are not bad and, I’m betting, they’re going to be positively tasty at home. David Knowles averages 29.75, Nick Selman 32.79, Marnus Labuschagne 47.47.
In a spectacular surprise, I lose the toss. They shove us into the field.
Knowles and Selman emerge and take their guard.
We open with Aaron Thomason and Sheffield. After eight overs Glamorgan are 12-0 and we’ve kept it beautifully tight.
Royal Ravi Bopara gets the ball chucked to him as first change. First ball, he ambles to the wicket, Selman snicks and Benny boy Brown swoops to conquer. Gone for 7. 12-1.
Labuschagne is up next. A wicket maiden plays out.
Bopara and David Wiese each bowl out their own four over spells at a cost of eight whole runs. 22-1.
Sheffield and Thomason return.
Thomason steams in. Knowles misjudged one and he’s given the crooked finger of dry your eyes and jog on. 14 from 53 balls. Glamorgan 26-2 and 50 minutes left till lunch. I’ve had worse mornings.
Charlie Hemphrey is next man in to join Labuschagne (currently mired on1 from 26 deliveries).
Hemphrey tries to go hard and up the run rate. It sort of works. He hits two boundaries but, as he passes 10, Wiese – back for his sixth over – clean bowls him. 11 off 27.
Billy Root is next to join Labuschagne. The big Aussie splats Bopara to the boundary for a six, but Ravi is not to be fooled.
Leg before wicket. 16 from 51 balls, 61-4. I’ve had significantly worse mornings.
Chris Cooke and Root baton down the hatches and they limp to lunch, 69-4.
They slip the leash after the interval. It’s like we went to the pub or something. Root gallops to 57 from 103 balls, Cooke 44 from 118. At tea, they are 166-4.
Pleasingly, we’ve earned ourselves a bonus point. Which is nice.
We keep tweaking the fields and toying with trying to make them hit to the areas they least want to.
As Cooke sails last 60, Sheffield does him for pace. Gone for 62 from 152.
199-5. That’s a big gallop from 69-4.
Daniel Douthwaite comes in and does well to partner Root. However, Wiese comes charging in and uproots the planks. Gone for 10. 216-6.
Ruairidh Smith is next man in. Root snicks a ridiculous single, but he makes the run and celebrates with bat aloft. 100 from 186. It’s been a brilliant innings. 237-6.
Sheffield finally – finally – gets shot of Root. He goes for Nelson (thanks Shep!) and they’re reduced to 249-7.
Root, caught Rawlins, bowled Sheffield. 111 from 196
Marchant de Lange survives with Smith and they bat out to end the first day.
274-7 at stumps.