Season One: Episode 42 – Glamorgan vs Sussex, County Championship (Day 3)

Season One: Episode 42 – Glamorgan vs Sussex, County Championship (Day 3)

Day Three:

Ben Brown begins day three by trying to make me smash him in the baby makers with a spare stump.

He scores one and then splats it back to Aussie Michael Hogan for the lamest of tame caught and bowled embarrassments. I decide I shall take him round the back of Glamorgan’s pavilion and stamp on his testicles till they rupture. Prick.


Next with his head on the block is Delray Rawlins who gets done by Hogan for pace as well. Lbw for 35. 139-7.

Aaron Thomason comes in, chips one to Douthwaite off de Lange and is out for a quacker. 143-8.

57 from the follow on.

David Wiese ticks away and moves to 34. Will Beer is supporting at the other end and the pair get us to 22 from the follow on.

Beer follows into the caught and bowled book, and Hogan also now has three wickets. 178-9.

Wiese survives a brutal lbw shout from Douthwaite which, frankly, I have no idea why the umpire didn’t give it.

198-9. Wiese 46. Two runs from avoiding the follow on.

We don’t make it. Smith takes Wiese’s off stump next ball. 198 all out.

They ask us to follow on. Of course.

Sussex’s Second Innings:

We need to be responsible. We need to bat time. 

We need not to be Laurie fucking Evans letting Hogan rip his middle stump out like a chimp. 4-1.

Tom Haines – the 21 year old opener who we’ve been forced to play, and who scored 82 and averaged 39.29 in the one days this season – is out for 14. In first class cricket he now averages 9.67.

He goes lbw to van der Gugten. 30-2 131 runs behind Glamorgan’s first innings.

Stiaan van Zyl and Travis Head begin to motor. With these two together at the wicket, we have a chance.

They cut Glamorgan’s lead to 77 but then, inexplicably, Head nudges one to Nick Selman in the gully off Smith. 78-3.

At tea, we are 96-3 and van Zyl is 35 not out.

But not for long. The big South African plank trapped on the crease soon after the interval. Gone for 32 off 82 balls. 99-4, 52 runs behind.

We’re doomed.

Bopara – a player who it is fair to say I’ve not been universally positive about this season – actually batted well in the first innings.

Delray Rawlins, likewise, was a bit of bright spark. Here, the pair rush into the 30s together and take us into the lead.

By four runs, right enough, but still… in this game, in this scenario, they have to bat again and I’ll take it. 155-4.

Rawlins can’t hold on. I’m actually really sad for the big Bermudan. He’s scored 47 from 58 balls and put on a partnership of 72 with Ravi. He deserved a half century. 183-5. A lead of 32.

Soon afterwards, Ravi gets his own half century, however, and it’s well deserved. 51 from 101. He’s put us 186-5 and 35 runs in the lead.

First Ben Brown tries to get out by stepping across to guarantee the ball hits his back leg – not out, just – and then Ravi chips behind and brings his innings to a close. Gone for 51.


Glamorgan push their field settings to very high aggression for Wiese, and this seems unwise. Personally, I’d be showing a fast bowler with a high score of 90* this season and an average of 43 some respect.

They don’t. He moves to 26 from 17. 217-6.

Wiese misses a straight one and the umpire decides not to give it for … seriously, I’ve no idea. Perhaps he’s a fan of Harvey’s Best?

To add insult to injury, he slaps him for a boundary next ball. 230-6.

Wiese settles and begins really moving through the gears. His 50 arrives off only 44 balls with nine 4s. His wagon wheel is all the way round the clock. What a player this guy is!

254-6, a lead of 103 and 2 overs left of day three.

Brown and Wiese make it to the end unscathed. 264-6 and a lead of 113.


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